So today I visited my grandmother, the doctors say she doesn't have much time, it is time to come see her if you want closure. She is so beautiful, I love her, my drinking, smoking, table dancing grandmother.
I had told my aunt Leslie that we (Matthew and I) had shared the gospel with Grandma on multiple occasions when we visited with her, so my aunt told me about her conversation with my grandmother two days ago. Grandma: I want to go home. Aunt Leslie: Mom, do you believe in God. Grandma: yes. Aunt Leslie: Do you believe in Jesus. Grandma: yes. Aunt Leslie: Do you believe Jesus is the son of God. Grandma: yes, I want to go home. Aunt Leslie: Through her tears tried to pray with Grandma. My heart smiles...
So as I was saying, I visited her today. She didn't recognize me, which was okay because as family has visited her she has gotten very emotional and worked up, so it was peaceful for her not to recognize me. I sat and held her hand quietly as she drifted in and out of consciousness, she would make mention of my grandpa (Jack) saying that they had gone out to eat and what a nice time they had. She also told me that family had visited and though it made her tired, it meant so much to her that they came. I love her.
This is the first time I have been close to someone dying, it is hard. I love her.
When I left I decided to get a coffee. Once I got to the coffee shop I stood at the counter to order and I couldn't think... I couldn't figure out what to order, my heart was interfering with my mind. The clerk looked frustrated by my indecision, and I realized that they have no idea where I just was, what was going on in my heart and they didn't care... How sad... I felt alone... I didn't try to pull myself together but I was able to order and move to the area to wait for my drink... As I waited I began to cry... I don't think anyone noticed. Then as I picked up my drink I think the lady may have noticed my watery eyes and she said I hope you have a nice day. "Thanks" I say, thinking still, I am alone in my feelings here at the coffee shop. No one knows what is going on for me. How often to I go about my business not realizing what is going on for others.
I thank my husband for being a man to stop and give someone a hug, to stop and ask if someone needs prayer, to be the person to show love to those in the world who are hurting. Thank you Matthew, my husband, the man I am blessed to spend the rest of my life with. I love you.
So now I am thinking, please be nice to others. It would have been nice to have had the clerk be patient with me, or maybe even to have given me a smile.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
A tourist in my own town...
For our anniversary we decided to get a hotel in Downtown Portland. I spent the last week in Portland visiting family and after work Matthew joined me and we headed to downtown. It was a wonderful weekend.
First we went on a walking tour, "the underground tour" from Portland Walking tours. It was an informative walk, we learned a lot about Portland history. We learned that Shanghai was legal in Portland. The tunnels in Portland were initially used for moving goods from the river inland, and later used as speakeasies, for gambling, and as opium dens. Also being naked in Downtown Portland is legal, hence the naked bike ride.
Old Town Pizza has a great Pesto Pizza, which is where we ate after the tour. Also on the back of the menu there is a story about a ghost who hangs around the restaurant (the former Merchant Hotel). Next we did a little window shopping, at Powell’s Books, and Buffalo Exchange.
The Hotel we stayed at is located on the water front so we had a wonderful stroll along the shops and restaurants on the South waterfront and sat on some rocks down by the water to drink our Henry's Root beers. It was a beautiful night.
The next morning we slept in. Our first night without Neva sleeping on a bed warranted some sleeping in. Then we wandered downstairs to eat the continental breakfast, which was amazing. You could get anything you wanted Eggs, potatoes, waffles, French toast, yoghurt, granola, donuts, bagels, fruit and multiple beverage options. We thoroughly enjoyed our late breakfast.
At 11:00 we had an appointment to paddle on the Willamette. Though it would have been a much nicer paddle early in the morning (less power boat traffic), we felt that sleeping in was worth it. Next time though, I think we would sign up for a sunset or an early morning kayak.
For our anniversary we decided to get a hotel in Downtown Portland. I spent the last week in Portland visiting family and after work Matthew joined me and we headed to downtown. It was a wonderful weekend.
First we went on a walking tour, "the underground tour" from Portland Walking tours. It was an informative walk, we learned a lot about Portland history. We learned that Shanghai was legal in Portland. The tunnels in Portland were initially used for moving goods from the river inland, and later used as speakeasies, for gambling, and as opium dens. Also being naked in Downtown Portland is legal, hence the naked bike ride.
Old Town Pizza has a great Pesto Pizza, which is where we ate after the tour. Also on the back of the menu there is a story about a ghost who hangs around the restaurant (the former Merchant Hotel). Next we did a little window shopping, at Powell’s Books, and Buffalo Exchange.
The Hotel we stayed at is located on the water front so we had a wonderful stroll along the shops and restaurants on the South waterfront and sat on some rocks down by the water to drink our Henry's Root beers. It was a beautiful night.
The next morning we slept in. Our first night without Neva sleeping on a bed warranted some sleeping in. Then we wandered downstairs to eat the continental breakfast, which was amazing. You could get anything you wanted Eggs, potatoes, waffles, French toast, yoghurt, granola, donuts, bagels, fruit and multiple beverage options. We thoroughly enjoyed our late breakfast.
At 11:00 we had an appointment to paddle on the Willamette. Though it would have been a much nicer paddle early in the morning (less power boat traffic), we felt that sleeping in was worth it. Next time though, I think we would sign up for a sunset or an early morning kayak.
Sunday, August 08, 2010
So a short post.
While at lifelines training we got to experience programs that are used to teach about boundries, adulthood, grace and truth, and worldview.
There was a program we did about grace and truth which I found really impactful.
We were told (a small group of us) that we needed to pick an issue to discuss, the issues included; alcoholism, pornography, gambling, and a couple others I cannot remeber.
Another part of the group was out waiting for us to discuss our issues. We spoke to three different people about our issues while walking back and forth accross a sports court. Each of the people we talked to were perscribed a task of either speaking just grace, just truth, or grace and truth. Wow, it was interesting to see how I responded to each interaction. I wanted to keep talking with the person who spoke grace and truth, I really felt as if they were interested and wanted to help me. I felt encouraged to continue in my issue by the all grace person, but I also felt alone, because the premise is that we were discussing a desire to change. Well and the all truth person I was about ready to yell at and I just wanted to get away. Hmmmmmm. Where do I land in Grace and truth...
While at lifelines training we got to experience programs that are used to teach about boundries, adulthood, grace and truth, and worldview.
There was a program we did about grace and truth which I found really impactful.
We were told (a small group of us) that we needed to pick an issue to discuss, the issues included; alcoholism, pornography, gambling, and a couple others I cannot remeber.
Another part of the group was out waiting for us to discuss our issues. We spoke to three different people about our issues while walking back and forth accross a sports court. Each of the people we talked to were perscribed a task of either speaking just grace, just truth, or grace and truth. Wow, it was interesting to see how I responded to each interaction. I wanted to keep talking with the person who spoke grace and truth, I really felt as if they were interested and wanted to help me. I felt encouraged to continue in my issue by the all grace person, but I also felt alone, because the premise is that we were discussing a desire to change. Well and the all truth person I was about ready to yell at and I just wanted to get away. Hmmmmmm. Where do I land in Grace and truth...
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Okay, so I (Leslie) have learned that updating a blog is not something that comes naturally to me, it is however something Matthew and I appointed to me. I am much better at short updates, thanks to the encouragement of Uncle John I will try not to feel pressure to write long updates. So here is goes...
While at lifelines training, which seems like ages ago now, I was amazed at how much I learned about myself. I went to the training hoping to gain tools to use to evangelize to College students, which I did, but there was so much more.
I was unable to participate in all of the sessions, being a mom and all, but the ones I did were refreshing. It was refreshing to be with people who are discussing living life for Christ, the good, bad, and the ugly. It was refreshing to hear people be real. It truly happens so rarely. In fact I feel I am often not as real as I could be. I wonder the growth I am missing out on by not being real...
Well, being real. One of the times I didn't make it so a session, I was reading through the handbook and the question was posed: What do you Subjectively believe about yourself? Wow, my list was awful. Here is it; you are not smart enough, not athletic enough, not outdoorsy enough, not fun enough, not a good mom, not a good wife, and God has nothing special planned for your life!! Oh my!
Now what... Well I don't know that I know what to do now, but it was eye opening to realize what was going on in my internal monologue. I am not even sure where all that came from, I know I haven't always believed it, so when did it creep in?
So I shared with Matthew what I learned and ended up having a great discussion about how the lies I believe have recently been impacted our marriage. Though we couldn't put our finger on it before we now realize that I have been living hopeless, what a sad impact that has had.
While at lifelines training, which seems like ages ago now, I was amazed at how much I learned about myself. I went to the training hoping to gain tools to use to evangelize to College students, which I did, but there was so much more.
I was unable to participate in all of the sessions, being a mom and all, but the ones I did were refreshing. It was refreshing to be with people who are discussing living life for Christ, the good, bad, and the ugly. It was refreshing to hear people be real. It truly happens so rarely. In fact I feel I am often not as real as I could be. I wonder the growth I am missing out on by not being real...
Well, being real. One of the times I didn't make it so a session, I was reading through the handbook and the question was posed: What do you Subjectively believe about yourself? Wow, my list was awful. Here is it; you are not smart enough, not athletic enough, not outdoorsy enough, not fun enough, not a good mom, not a good wife, and God has nothing special planned for your life!! Oh my!
Now what... Well I don't know that I know what to do now, but it was eye opening to realize what was going on in my internal monologue. I am not even sure where all that came from, I know I haven't always believed it, so when did it creep in?
So I shared with Matthew what I learned and ended up having a great discussion about how the lies I believe have recently been impacted our marriage. Though we couldn't put our finger on it before we now realize that I have been living hopeless, what a sad impact that has had.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
So the lady at DMV says "Some people drink, some people eat, others get mad and then there are some that laugh". So Matthew laughs. This was said after we learned that somehow the car we bought in Washington with a clean title, was registered in Oregon as a reconstructed title... Um... How does that happen!!
Not much we could do before leaving for Colorado since we found this out the day before we were to leave! So we packed up and left.
On the way to Colorado the sun roof stopped working (bummer!), the drivers side rear door stopped opening from the inside (Leslie got stuck in the back), the passengers side rear window wouldn't roll down all the way... All cosmetic issues so they didn't bother us much. Well except the sun roof!
On the way home from Colorado. About an hour into our 21 hour drive we heard an aweful noise and the oil pressure gauge kept dropping!! NO GOOD!! So we stopped got some oil and dinner and gas and started texting people to pray for our car. Thank you for your prayers.
As we continued to drive we joked about how the last "long trip" we took our other car died and left us stranded and maybe we would find ourself in a similar situation this time. What did the lady at DMV say... We laughed. Here's to adventure!
Matthew figured out that the noise was our brakes and as we continued to drive it got a little better. Though the oil pressure gauge continued to have issues. We still don't know if it is the gauges problem or a problem with the engine itself.
As the noise from the breaks died down it was replaced with a new more disturbing noise. So we prayed, and prayed, and prayed... 21 miles later we are home!! Praise the Lord!!
Though we haven't taken the car in to figure out all that happened to it on our 3,000 mile journey, we made it home and for that we are thankful!
Not much we could do before leaving for Colorado since we found this out the day before we were to leave! So we packed up and left.
On the way to Colorado the sun roof stopped working (bummer!), the drivers side rear door stopped opening from the inside (Leslie got stuck in the back), the passengers side rear window wouldn't roll down all the way... All cosmetic issues so they didn't bother us much. Well except the sun roof!
On the way home from Colorado. About an hour into our 21 hour drive we heard an aweful noise and the oil pressure gauge kept dropping!! NO GOOD!! So we stopped got some oil and dinner and gas and started texting people to pray for our car. Thank you for your prayers.
As we continued to drive we joked about how the last "long trip" we took our other car died and left us stranded and maybe we would find ourself in a similar situation this time. What did the lady at DMV say... We laughed. Here's to adventure!
Matthew figured out that the noise was our brakes and as we continued to drive it got a little better. Though the oil pressure gauge continued to have issues. We still don't know if it is the gauges problem or a problem with the engine itself.
As the noise from the breaks died down it was replaced with a new more disturbing noise. So we prayed, and prayed, and prayed... 21 miles later we are home!! Praise the Lord!!
Though we haven't taken the car in to figure out all that happened to it on our 3,000 mile journey, we made it home and for that we are thankful!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
As time drew near for us to leave for Colorado we were waiting to see if the Lord would provide enough support for us to fly or to drive.
Days before we left we had just enough money to drive.
Excited to see what the Lord had planned we packed up and began our drive Thursday night. About half way through our trip to Colorado it we realized that our gas milage was not as good as we thought and the trip was going to be more expensive than we had the money for. So we prayed, trusted God and kept on going. Once in Colorado it got hot, and our airconditioning was not working. by afternoon we couldn't keep Neva cool enough and we needed to stop. By this time we were in Grand Junction Colorado. We stopped at the first hotel we saw and it ended up that it was going to cost us $150.00 to stay there for the night. We needed to stop, so we tried to figure out how we could work it into our budget.
Neva was lathargic and red faced when we got her out of the car. Once we got into our airconditioned room she came to life. It made me (Leslie) so happy to see her crawling around laughing and playing. We made the right decision.
So we went and got food, came back to our room and we were all in bed by 5pm and didn't get up till 8am the next morning!! So good!!
When we got up the next morning and began to pack we recieved a text that some friends of ours were going to support us for $250.00!! This would cover the room and we would later figure out that the extra amount was just enough to cover the extra cost of gas to get us all the way back to Sisters!!
Praise the Lord, he didn't give more or less than what we needed, he gave us just enough.
Thank you Lord.
Days before we left we had just enough money to drive.
Excited to see what the Lord had planned we packed up and began our drive Thursday night. About half way through our trip to Colorado it we realized that our gas milage was not as good as we thought and the trip was going to be more expensive than we had the money for. So we prayed, trusted God and kept on going. Once in Colorado it got hot, and our airconditioning was not working. by afternoon we couldn't keep Neva cool enough and we needed to stop. By this time we were in Grand Junction Colorado. We stopped at the first hotel we saw and it ended up that it was going to cost us $150.00 to stay there for the night. We needed to stop, so we tried to figure out how we could work it into our budget.
Neva was lathargic and red faced when we got her out of the car. Once we got into our airconditioned room she came to life. It made me (Leslie) so happy to see her crawling around laughing and playing. We made the right decision.
So we went and got food, came back to our room and we were all in bed by 5pm and didn't get up till 8am the next morning!! So good!!
When we got up the next morning and began to pack we recieved a text that some friends of ours were going to support us for $250.00!! This would cover the room and we would later figure out that the extra amount was just enough to cover the extra cost of gas to get us all the way back to Sisters!!
Praise the Lord, he didn't give more or less than what we needed, he gave us just enough.
Thank you Lord.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Worry, something I have struggled with for a very long time. Over the last few years it has gotten better, I have gained much of my freedom from worry by having an amazing husband. Now is the next step... Matthew confronted me on my worry and how, though it is better, it sometimes limits us in what we can accomplish for God. It is SIN! So here I am confronting something I continue to fight, and trying to find the weapons to fight it. I would appriciate your prayers.
On a different note, Neva will be 1 year old in 2 days!! So exciting!! It is amazing all that she has learned and how much she has changed in a year.
On a different note, Neva will be 1 year old in 2 days!! So exciting!! It is amazing all that she has learned and how much she has changed in a year.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
The last couple nights we have been teaching Neva to put herself to sleep. Something she has been doing off an on, but now we are expecting a little more of her. Which means some crying is involved. It is hard on Matthew and my heart to hear her cry so we pray. It was amazing to see how God answered our prayers.
As I (Leslie) sat in bed the other night I prayed that God would protect Neva from spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental harm and attack while she is in bed crying. I prayed that He would teach her how to lay down from her sitting up potition (which we usually find her in when we go in to remind her it is bed time). I prayed that He would comfort her, and love on her, and meet her where she was at. As I prayed she got quieter and when I finished she was asleep, it was 8:30pm.
Last night Matthew and I lay her down and initially she was out because she was so tired. Then she woke with a poopy diaper, so Matthew cleaned her up said night night, lay her down and she began to cry. So after about 30 minutes of crying our hearts needed to talk to God. So we stopped held hands and prayed for our little girl a similar prayer to what I prayed the night before. We finished praying and Neva had quieted. 10 minutes later she was asleep, at 7:30pm.
Though it has been hard to listen to Neva cry, it has brought Matthew and I closer and it has drawn us closer to God. Thank you Lord for this difficult time.
Through this I have also found renewed desire to pray so I start my day with prayer and Matthew and I end our day with prayer.
Matthew's sister is in town for a couple weeks and we had her over for dinner last night. It was so good to see her. Of course within moments of Matthew arriving home they began an intense conversation which lasted through dinner and on into our card game. Love it! What is famliy for if not to challenge your way of thinking.
As I (Leslie) sat in bed the other night I prayed that God would protect Neva from spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental harm and attack while she is in bed crying. I prayed that He would teach her how to lay down from her sitting up potition (which we usually find her in when we go in to remind her it is bed time). I prayed that He would comfort her, and love on her, and meet her where she was at. As I prayed she got quieter and when I finished she was asleep, it was 8:30pm.
Last night Matthew and I lay her down and initially she was out because she was so tired. Then she woke with a poopy diaper, so Matthew cleaned her up said night night, lay her down and she began to cry. So after about 30 minutes of crying our hearts needed to talk to God. So we stopped held hands and prayed for our little girl a similar prayer to what I prayed the night before. We finished praying and Neva had quieted. 10 minutes later she was asleep, at 7:30pm.
Though it has been hard to listen to Neva cry, it has brought Matthew and I closer and it has drawn us closer to God. Thank you Lord for this difficult time.
Through this I have also found renewed desire to pray so I start my day with prayer and Matthew and I end our day with prayer.
Matthew's sister is in town for a couple weeks and we had her over for dinner last night. It was so good to see her. Of course within moments of Matthew arriving home they began an intense conversation which lasted through dinner and on into our card game. Love it! What is famliy for if not to challenge your way of thinking.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Garage sale next weekend at our place, if you are around. We hope to sell a few more things to pay down debt...
In other news, Neva is pulling herself up, unfortunatly once she is standing she can't always figure out how to get back down:).
Matthew has an ATV training this weekend for SAR (Search and Rescue).
I had my first cup of caffinated coffee in 20 months and I feel ill!!
We are getting ready for Neva's 1st birthday, I found a gluten free dairy free chocolate cake I am going to try. I hope to sew Neva her present, if I can get my sewing maschine to work.
In other news, Neva is pulling herself up, unfortunatly once she is standing she can't always figure out how to get back down:).
Matthew has an ATV training this weekend for SAR (Search and Rescue).
I had my first cup of caffinated coffee in 20 months and I feel ill!!
We are getting ready for Neva's 1st birthday, I found a gluten free dairy free chocolate cake I am going to try. I hope to sew Neva her present, if I can get my sewing maschine to work.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
So much has happened. We have a little girl Neva Ann, who will be a year old this month!! For almost a year we have been renting a couple rooms and living with a friend of ours in Sisters. Leslie has spent her first year as a stay at home mom, which has been challenging. Matthew is working for Rescue Response Gear and loves it. We have been working for two years to pay off all our debt and we are 80% there! We are now trying to sell Matthews Jeep, snow mobile and Odyssey to pay off more debt. This June we are headed to a training in Colorado for Campus Crusade for Christ's Life Lines ministry. Matthew will we working part time for them this coming fall. Recently our "reliable" car died and we were thankful to have an emergency fund so we could buy a replacment. This weekend I will go to Portland to pick it up. It is a Trooper, we have been so impressed with Matthew's other trooper which is still going at 280,000 miles, that we wanted another one! It is also a little bit more spacious since we have a baby. Off to get something done now that Neva is napping...
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