So today I visited my grandmother, the doctors say she doesn't have much time, it is time to come see her if you want closure. She is so beautiful, I love her, my drinking, smoking, table dancing grandmother.


I had told my aunt Leslie that we (Matthew and I) had shared the gospel with Grandma on multiple occasions when we visited with her, so my aunt told me about her conversation with my grandmother two days ago. Grandma: I want to go home. Aunt Leslie: Mom, do you believe in God. Grandma: yes. Aunt Leslie: Do you believe in Jesus. Grandma: yes. Aunt Leslie: Do you believe Jesus is the son of God. Grandma: yes, I want to go home. Aunt Leslie: Through her tears tried to pray with Grandma. My heart smiles...


So as I was saying, I visited her today. She didn't recognize me, which was okay because as family has visited her she has gotten very emotional and worked up, so it was peaceful for her not to recognize me. I sat and held her hand quietly as she drifted in and out of consciousness, she would make mention of my grandpa (Jack) saying that they had gone out to eat and what a nice time they had. She also told me that family had visited and though it made her tired, it meant so much to her that they came. I love her.


This is the first time I have been close to someone dying, it is hard. I love her.


When I left I decided to get a coffee. Once I got to the coffee shop I stood at the counter to order and I couldn't think... I couldn't figure out what to order, my heart was interfering with my mind. The clerk looked frustrated by my indecision, and I realized that they have no idea where I just was, what was going on in my heart and they didn't care... How sad... I felt alone... I didn't try to pull myself together but I was able to order and move to the area to wait for my drink... As I waited I began to cry... I don't think anyone noticed. Then as I picked up my drink I think the lady may have noticed my watery eyes and she said I hope you have a nice day. "Thanks" I say, thinking still, I am alone in my feelings here at the coffee shop. No one knows what is going on for me. How often to I go about my business not realizing what is going on for others.


I thank my husband for being a man to stop and give someone a hug, to stop and ask if someone needs prayer, to be the person to show love to those in the world who are hurting. Thank you Matthew, my husband, the man I am blessed to spend the rest of my life with. I love you.


So now I am thinking, please be nice to others. It would have been nice to have had the clerk be patient with me, or maybe even to have given me a smile.