Okay, so I (Leslie) have learned that updating a blog is not something that comes naturally to me, it is however something Matthew and I appointed to me. I am much better at short updates, thanks to the encouragement of Uncle John I will try not to feel pressure to write long updates. So here is goes...

While at lifelines training, which seems like ages ago now, I was amazed at how much I learned about myself. I went to the training hoping to gain tools to use to evangelize to College students, which I did, but there was so much more.

I was unable to participate in all of the sessions, being a mom and all, but the ones I did were refreshing. It was refreshing to be with people who are discussing living life for Christ, the good, bad, and the ugly. It was refreshing to hear people be real. It truly happens so rarely. In fact I feel I am often not as real as I could be. I wonder the growth I am missing out on by not being real...

Well, being real. One of the times I didn't make it so a session, I was reading through the handbook and the question was posed: What do you Subjectively believe about yourself? Wow, my list was awful. Here is it; you are not smart enough, not athletic enough, not outdoorsy enough, not fun enough, not a good mom, not a good wife, and God has nothing special planned for your life!! Oh my!

Now what... Well I don't know that I know what to do now, but it was eye opening to realize what was going on in my internal monologue. I am not even sure where all that came from, I know I haven't always believed it, so when did it creep in?

So I shared with Matthew what I learned and ended up having a great discussion about how the lies I believe have recently been impacted our marriage. Though we couldn't put our finger on it before we now realize that I have been living hopeless, what a sad impact that has had.