So a short post.

While at lifelines training we got to experience programs that are used to teach about boundries, adulthood, grace and truth, and worldview.


There was a program we did about grace and truth which I found really impactful.

We were told (a small group of us) that we needed to pick an issue to discuss, the issues included; alcoholism, pornography, gambling, and a couple others I cannot remeber.

Another part of the group was out waiting for us to discuss our issues. We spoke to three different people about our issues while walking back and forth accross a sports court. Each of the people we talked to were perscribed a task of either speaking just grace, just truth, or grace and truth. Wow, it was interesting to see how I responded to each interaction. I wanted to keep talking with the person who spoke grace and truth, I really felt as if they were interested and wanted to help me. I felt encouraged to continue in my issue by the all grace person, but I also felt alone, because the premise is that we were discussing a desire to change. Well and the all truth person I was about ready to yell at and I just wanted to get away. Hmmmmmm. Where do I land in Grace and truth...

Okay, so I (Leslie) have learned that updating a blog is not something that comes naturally to me, it is however something Matthew and I appointed to me. I am much better at short updates, thanks to the encouragement of Uncle John I will try not to feel pressure to write long updates. So here is goes...

While at lifelines training, which seems like ages ago now, I was amazed at how much I learned about myself. I went to the training hoping to gain tools to use to evangelize to College students, which I did, but there was so much more.

I was unable to participate in all of the sessions, being a mom and all, but the ones I did were refreshing. It was refreshing to be with people who are discussing living life for Christ, the good, bad, and the ugly. It was refreshing to hear people be real. It truly happens so rarely. In fact I feel I am often not as real as I could be. I wonder the growth I am missing out on by not being real...

Well, being real. One of the times I didn't make it so a session, I was reading through the handbook and the question was posed: What do you Subjectively believe about yourself? Wow, my list was awful. Here is it; you are not smart enough, not athletic enough, not outdoorsy enough, not fun enough, not a good mom, not a good wife, and God has nothing special planned for your life!! Oh my!

Now what... Well I don't know that I know what to do now, but it was eye opening to realize what was going on in my internal monologue. I am not even sure where all that came from, I know I haven't always believed it, so when did it creep in?

So I shared with Matthew what I learned and ended up having a great discussion about how the lies I believe have recently been impacted our marriage. Though we couldn't put our finger on it before we now realize that I have been living hopeless, what a sad impact that has had.